im gonna live like im dying...

my stomach was growling big time… parker was taking me to paula deens favorite restaurant in the dc area… supposedly she came here every time she was in town… i had mentioned to mr parker that my friend bobby flay was going to be in washington doing a cooking event with paula deen and rachael ray over the weekend…  i was considering stopping by to say hey to bobby… it had been decided by the head honchos at american coach that i was now going to get my rv repaired at the fleetwood factory in decatur indiana… this worked out quite well for me… now i would not have to drive over 1500 miles in three days… not having to rush out of town gave me a few breathing days so i might be able to attend the weekend cooking show… i had also mentioned to parker that i loved fried green tomatoes… yes i do i do i do… as rachael ray would say yummmmoooo…



parker figured since there was a chance i might meet ms deen, eating at art and soul would give me something to discuss with the prolific goddess of the kitchen… parker was always looking out for me… while he finds my my vast knowledge of packaged processed food fascinating he thought there was a good chance paula would find it repulsive… he knows how i sometimes blurt out stupid stuff when among famous people… best if prepare myself with a few good ditties about the restaurant… parker wanted to check the place out to see if their collard greens were as good as his… i dont ever remember having collard greens… not remembering is the same as never having them so i jumped at the chance to nibble on some leafy vegetables… i know for sure i do not get enough of these in my daily diet… 

for whatever reason parker and i got off the train a tad too early… we stopped and asked a very nicely dressed gentleman to head us in the direction we needed to go… we had to catch the s train or something like that… the nicely dressed gentleman said oh its only a few blocks from here then youll run right into it… 3 miles later im ready to do serious harm to that nicely dressed gentleman… he did not look the type to pull a practical joke… when we finally get in the vicinity of the restaurant we stopped and asked some very official looking secret service men where art and soul was… they pointed down the block and said just right past that lite… 20 minutes later parker and i had to catch a cab to drive us 3 blocks from where we were… only to find out we had circled the place 3 times… by the time we finally arrived at art and soul i was famished, thirsty and physically exhausted… i ordered a glass of wine and slurped it down… i hadnt eaten in close to 9 hours…. i had just walked the entire length of washington dc… the alcohol rushed to my brain… now im buzzed and the need to fill my stomach with substance over rode any social decorum i may have learned over the years… parker had to grab my hand as i was about to snatch a pork rib a waiter was carrying right by me… to keep me in line parker ordered me another glass of wine… 

now pleasantly sauced i was ready to do a walk about to see if we could find paula… the waiter stopped me in my tracks… i said i am so excited to eat soul food… he said oh no we dont call it soul food we call it down home food… what i slurred… why dont you call it soul food…. parker said please give us a moment to look through the menu… the waiter said sure i just wanted to see if you would like to see the wine list… yes i said at the same time parker said no… whats up with the soul food thing… now we have to call it down home food… wow.. its like calling mexican food, latin food or a po boy a financially challenged sandwich… i never did get a definitive answer on why its called down home… i wanted another glass of wine but seeing as my choice of wine was leaving my dinner date financially challenged i had the choice of one more glass of wine or dinner… it was a hard call but i opted for fried green tomatoes, collard greens and a mushroom flatbread… i was digging the greens… parker was not as impressed as i… 

it came time to part ways… we had had a blast… i was getting teary having to say bye bye to my bud… we made a pact to reunite in the florida keys for new years… i was gonna hold him to it… 

i made the long trek back to the cherry hill rv park… feeling a bit melancholy i opened my rv looking forward to giving wolf a huge hug… i see the guys next door as wolf and i exit for a walk… hey guys what up… coles dog rocky was running around… i let wolf off his leash so those two could romp together… where you been… they told me they had just gotten back from the city… it was about 11 pm by this time… evidently they had gotten some really bad directions and they ended up walking the entire way into the city then turning around and walking the entire way back… the rv park is about 10 miles away from dc… i said you didnt by any chance get directions from a nicely dressed gentleman did you… 

we sat outside discussing their 10 hour trek  when wolf decides he finished with rocky and runs off… oh man here we go again… the three of us split up calling for wolf… i retraced my steps from the last time i found him, cole took the middle and fish went way left and deep… 30 minutes later we hear fish yell… i got him… it was cold that nite… it was one of the coldest nites wed had since id been there… fish and cole were in a converted van with no heat… they were equipped with thermal sleeing bags… this would just not cut the mustard for me… thats for damn sure… guys why dont you come stay with me…. i have plenty of room and its the least i could do since you found wolf… i didint have to force the issue… in a matter of minutes we were all camped at my dining room table drinking beer… in all the getting to know you chatter i found out the two of them were golf pros… i bowed down to both of them… omg golf pros right there in my rv dining room… after comparing notes on where wed been and commenting on how neither of us had seen anyone remotely like each other we decided the only thing to do would be to meet up in florida and play a round of golf… could life get any better…

today’s “must have” fun fact… how to become a golf pro

Step 1


Hone your skills. If you are still in school, play for your high school team and play for your college team. The more competitions you enter, the better off you are. The more you play, the better your skill set will be and the better qualified you will be to help others with their game. Understand the nuances of the game and then you will be able to identify them while you are teaching them. 


Step 2


Learn good communications skills. The ability to talk to others and listen to them is what will determine a good teaching pro from a bad one. There are several other steps to take (see below), but the ability to communicate will make or break a PGA pro. Make eye contact, think about what you say before you say it and listen well, and you will be on your way as long as you know what you are talking about.


Step 3

Get a job as a club pro or an assistant pro at a teaching facility or a golf club. You can do this without any professional affiliation. However, once you have been working about 6 months and pass a playing test, you can attend the Professional Readiness Organization (PRO) for certification.

Step 4


Enter the Golf Professional Training Program (GPTP) to become a fully accredited professional. You will take courses, attend seminars and get tested to determine your worthiness as a teaching pro. It takes about 3 1/2 to 4 years to get fully certified as a PGA pro under most circumstances.





Step 5Take refresher courses throughout your career once you have become certified. Everyone has their own areas of expertise. Perhaps you know a lot about teaching the short game but you don’t know as much about recommending equipment. These refresher courses will allow you to gain knowledge in all areas of the game that you can usefully pass along to your students.

parker and i had one last nite to get together before id have to skid-addle… we decided to make it a long day… hit one of the museums id hadnt seen then get a bite to eat…  his work schedule had filled up and my time in dc was coming to an end… i needed to get my rv repaired once and for all… i had been on the road for over 3 months yet the majority of those three months ive been without a working sewer system… plus i was really intent on spending thanksgiving with my family  … i had received a call from stacy at fleetwood asking me if i could be in lincoln on the 17th of november… this would be cutting it close for me as i would not be able to see my aunt ann until the 13th which left me 3 days to travel 1,500 miles… i told her id see what i could do…

we decided wed meet in the city early, hit a museum i hadnt seen then get a bite to eat… mr parker had his heart set on going to the portrait gallery… i was in the mood for something a little less cultured…  i was pushing the spy museum… not only did missy suggest it but it appeared to be a big hit at the cherry hill rv park… parker i said you know its just a bunch of faces right… just pictures of peoples faces… the spy museum will be sooo cool… he gave me his nah not interested face then said i just would really rather do the portrait gallery…. when parker is not crazy about something he switches his voice to the lower register… he also uses that voice when he answers the phone or is first introduced to someone…i call it his im a heterosexual man voice … when he truly is excited about something his voice raises about 3 octives… we laugh about it all the time… parker is about a 4 on the gay flamboyant scale….  ten being a carson kressley or a steven cojocaru and a one being the jake gyllenhaal character in broke back mountain… hes not one of those guys that screams his sexuality from the hilltops yet he is most definitely not in the closet either… hes subtle… but let me tell you he is one of my best girlfriends…

i eventually caved… its hard to say no to parker… i could still stay at least 2 more days in dc before id have to shove off… ill just hit the spy museum the next day… no biggie… one can never get enough culture… we made arrangement to meet at the subway station that would drop us off right across the street from the gallery…  we made a plan to meet later in the day, walk through the museum then hit boys town… i really like gay clubs… the ones ive been to have been a blast… everyones dancing up a storm, i very rarely get hit on and i can pick up fashion and even make up tips… women gay clubs are quite different… they lack the flamboyancy that is so entertaining to me… my best buddy lo loves to tell the story of when we were in college wed go to a regular dance club, a guy would come up ask me to dance and lo would end up holding my purse… she came to visit me once in la and i took her to one of the more popular dyke bars… it wasnt long after we got there when a woman asked me to dance… she says to me i dont believe this… we go to a straight bar and i have to hold your purse, we go to a gay bar and i still have to hold your purse… we both cracked up big time… m and i get such a kick out of that story…

three o clock was the dc rendezvous time… it was nice to get into the city a little later then i had been going… i had not spent much time playing with wolf… usually by the time id get back from the city it was dark… hes a small dog but he does have a s—t load of energy… just last week in the middle of a torrential downpour at the cherry hill rv park he once again got away from me… this time about put me over the edge once and for all… i was losing count on how many times wolf has run away… with some help from a fellow dog lover after a 45 minute exhausting and extremely wet search my incorrigibly adventurous pain in the ass, love of my life, spoiled rotten mess of a puppy was finally found… it was time for a paw to person chat… i was at a point where my heart was breaking… i just do not know how many more times i could go through this… i picked him up looked him straight in those baby blues, sobbing my eyes out and said wolf if you are so unhappy with me then you should go be with someone you want to be with… i cant do it anymore… if thats what you want i will help you find another place to live… im serious  you really need to make up your mind…. i cant keep doing this… who knows if he even was paying any attention to me… he was licking my face but im sure he was just after the salt…  

it was 1 oclock…i had at least an hour and half before i needed to catch the bus to meet parker… the night before i met my new neighbors… two cute guys in a rather unique set up… an old old converted van…. they really stuck out here at the cherry hill rv park… cole the guy who owned the van had a dog named rocky…. rocky and wolf played that night and really hit it off so we made a plan to take them to the dog run to have some fun before i took off for the city…


wolf was rearing to go, squeaky in tow as we walked over the get the guys… they were nowhere to be seen so we made our way up the hill… wolf loves his rubber chicken… i throw it as far as i can then he brings it back to me… he wont give it to me, i have to beg him for it… when he thinks ive finally given up he pretends hes distracted then lets it go which is then my cue to pick it up and act like i just pulled something over him and throw it again… this continues till i cant do it anymore or until wolf takes the opportunity to run off acting like hes chasing squeaky at which time i have to get up and chase after him… on the plus side sprinting does burn up more calories then walking… 

after wolf met a couple of schnuazers and attempted to hump them both it was time for me to catch the bus… i met parker in a restaurant not far from the museum… your not going to believe this he says i have to work… bummer i said but the good thing he tells me is that he has the next 2 nights off… groovy i said lets just do it again tomorrow… ill hit the spy museum today then well just  keep the same game plan for tomorrow… off to the spy museum i went… unlike the smithsonian museums the spy museum cost me about 17 bucks…  i went to the front desk to pay for my ticket… i asked the guy taking my money if he knew who i was…. he studied my face for a while then said no… good i said you see im a spy and im undercover… he laughed… that was the last moment i actually enjoyed my spy museum experience… i would love to have taken pictures but if i did so my camera would have been confiscated… unfortunately i did not pack my self- destructing kodak… if youve seen any james bond movie youve seen the highlights of the spy museum… i think i would have enjoyed this place more if it were free… 

when parker and i met up the next day i was much more amenable to hitting the face place… i had done some research about the portrait gallery and the reviews were pretty positive… i waited for parker at the information desk… there was a tour listed that would be a docents choice… i asked the lady seated there what a docent choice was… she looked at me kind of funny then stuttered ah well a docent is a teacher, or someone that is knowledgeable regarding art… oh ok i said i get it now the choice means that its his/her decision what pieces of art they want to cover… cool… you learn something new everyday….

tune in tomorrow for episode two of sassy gay friend… 


today’s “must have” fun fact…  

1- James Bond was inspired by an American zoologist

To come up with his Bond character, Fleming pooled traits from several people he knew and had read about. In naming his soon-to-be famous spy, Fleming picked James Bond after the famed bird expert with the same name. Bond wrote the acclaimed Birds of the West Indies, considered by many experts to be the definitive book on Caribbean birds. To come up with Bond’s cool demeanor, Fleming took attributes from real-life spies Sidney Reilly and Sir William Stephenson, as well as popular jazz composer Hoagy Carmichael. In fact, Fleming, who worked in British naval intelligence, also channeled his former peers in the creation of his iconic character.

2- Bond was created on summer vacation

Agent 007 may have never materialized had Fleming not bargained with one of his bosses. Specifically, when Fleming applied for a job with Kemsley Newspapers, owned by the famed London Sunday Times, he asked that he be granted two months of vacation each year. His request was approved, and each year from 1953 until his death in 1964, Fleming used those months to write a different Bond novel while vacationing at his Jamaican estate. The estate’s name? Goldeneye.

3- Bond has a drink every 24.3 minutes

It’s not uncommon for the world’s best spy to crash the most lavish parties around the world, and while he’s there, he might as well have a drink if it’s offered. Bond’s staple is the classic vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, but he’s also been known to sample other drinks. In the Bond films up to Casino Royale, Bond is seen to consume 114 drinks — the equivalent of one every 24.3 minutes. Interestingly enough, he drinks champagne more than anything (35 glasses) and only enjoys one beer. In the Bond novels, he drinks a total of 317 alcoholic drinks — one every seven pages, on average. Though he may enjoy the occasional drink, Bond has steered clear of smoking since 2002’s Die Another Day — which was the last time he smoked acigar.

4- There are only seven 00s

You’re forgiven if you were under the impression that Bond’s MI6 organization was fully stocked with agents. Throughout the movies, we learn that Bond is one of just seven 00 agents spying for the British, but he has the best knack for staying alive. In different movies, we’ve see the deaths of 002, 003, 004, and 009. Agent 006, believed killed, returns as the villain in GoldenEye before he’s disposed of. Besides Bond, only the unnamed 008 proves to be a skilled agent. He’s mentioned several times as Bond’s replacement should he die or be pulled off a mission for insubordination. It’s unclear why no 001 or 005 have ever been mentioned.

5- Bond became a 00 at the age of 38

the arts… ahh yes the arts… when i was old enough to conceptualize, or at least pretend i could conceptualize art i assumed it was necessary to take on an air of snobbish acceptance and affected understanding of all things considered artistic…  i remember thinking that the aristocrats where the ones who understood art… the rich, elite and creative had the inside track when it came to interpreting the classics… whatever that meant… what was considered a classic… what made it so… being from a farming community in the midwest it was doubtful i could ever appreciate a monet, manet, van gough, mattisse, or even an andy warholl…  whoever these people were… my exposure to painting was very limited… i could barely even draw a tree… i could and still can draw a round sun with the straight rays coming out of it… thats pretty much the extent of my artistic ability… i remember seeing some ads in magazines my parents had that would show an intricate pencil drawing of a horse… the ads promised that after attending their college i could draw figures such as these… i could even go on to become a world renowned artist… cool i thought… id love to be able to do that…

 i actually applied to that school when i was about 12… i applied to a lot of different schools around that same time… all you had to do was fill out the enrollment forms located in the backs of the magazines, mail in the pre payed postage postcards and wait for a representative to contact you… i dont recall anyone ever getting in contact with me from the art institute…  i did have to send in a drawing  of my choice… i sent in my sun drawing… im sure they felt no matter how much cash i had i was a lost cause….   i did however get a response from an airline company… they sent me a letter telling me they were going to be in my area on the 16th of sept at approx 4 pm and that they would stop by my house for a quick interview/get to know you session… i threw the letter away… i was 12 for gods sake… i was way too young to even be considering a job… i forgot all about it till one day in september i heard the doorbell ring and my mother answer the door… the man introduced himself and asked for lary kennedy… i knew he was from the airline as he stated he was and as my mother went to get my father whos name is also larry kennedy, i snuck out the back door and ran for the hills…  damn i knew i was gonna be in trouble… i had lied on the enrollment form indicating i was 18 and graduating from high school… i hid out in the fields till i knew he was about to leave… i could hear my mother apologizing all over the place… the rep said oh no worries i had other people i needed to see in the area … no worries… 

when i finally walked back into the house my mother was furious… my poor mother had no sense of humor… too bad, she missed out on a ton of funny stuff… anyway i was punished… my parents took away my privilege of wearing colored fingernail polish…  ouch…  i believe that because of being denied of a color palette at a young age it stunted all my creative urge/instincts to paint… what a shame… i could have been a rembrandt… rembrandt kennedy… 

as i grew older and wiser i realized that art is art…  that art is subjective and can only be interpreted by our own individual eyes… that while art may strike an emotional chord that strikes many others in the same way , art is truly appreciated by the single viewer… art has the ability to invoke emotions, to describe beauty, to display harmony, to explain discord, to confuse the senses, to create controversy, to unite a nation… some art is self explanatory, some needs great description to understand, some is just out right incomprehensible … yet who am i to evaluate art… i have no art degrees… i have done a few tours of some of the famous impressionist painting that gave me a deeper understanding of what the artist was thinking at the time… some of the events of his/her life that shaped the way they looked at the world… it was cool to get an insight of who they were as people and what they were dealing with as they sat and exposed their inner thoughts and feelings with the world… how they bare their souls for all to see… this is what i feel when i look at paintings… the masterpieces that call out to me are the ones where the artist has barred his soul… has shared his view on life… has shone  a light on the pain, heartache, joys and accomplishments hes lived… the ones where the artist has let me in to his life if only for the briefest of moments… 

i have in my lifetime seen a lot of reproductions of many great pieces of art… i have had the privilege recently of seeing some of these amazing pieces up close and personal… it does not take an art critic, nor a masters degree in art history, nor any knowledge of whos work of art you are viewing to recognize the quality of what you are seeing… some pieces may invoke emotions while others leave you cold… once i looked at art in this manner i started viewing these magnificent pieces of human expression from my perspective… it was only then that i could truly see the beauty that was in front of me…


today’s “must have” fun facts…

Art history spans the entire history of humankind, from prehistoric times to the twenty-first century. Whether you like to observe caveman paintings or Botticelli angels, you can find visual arts that challenge your creative side and inspire you to find beauty in manmade forms. 




In modern times, art history has emerged as a discipline that specializes in teaching people how to evaluate and interpret works of art based on their own perspective. Art history has frequently been criticized for its subjectivity because the definition of what is beautiful varies from individual to individual. Learning to evaluate what you see by building on the art forms you already know can develop your aesthetic understanding. 




Claude Monet once said, “It’s on the strength of observation and reflection that one finds a way. So we must dig and delve unceasingly.” 




In keeping with Monet, consider how to observe as many works of art as possible. You will develop a sense of your favorite styles and time periods, and you will be able to use the vocabulary of art to discuss your appreciation of art with others. If you love Botticelli, you will be able to recognize the theme he chooses for each painting and which symbols and figures he uses most often during the Renaissance. 




Combining exposure to art history with the desire to foster art appreciation in others represents a happy medium. The art teacher or art historian can inspire you with a survey of the many time periods in art history. For example, you can become a huge fan of the Renaissance because, like the French, Dutch, Italian, and Spanish masters, you share the same desire to reconcile humanism with human religion. 




Art history requires you to study and describe what you see in terms of the design elements of line, shape, color, value, and texture. Once you write a response to one work of art, you can compare it to another work of art. An alternative is to make comparisons and contrasts between artists and their artistic works with the mind’s eye. As you explore the fascinating world of art, a beautiful collection of thousands of years of human experience, you will want to travel farther from your home to see works of art in person. 




The great thing about the Internet is that the world’s art repositories bring famous works of visual art to you through online exhibitions and virtual tours. However you decide to develop your sense of art history and appreciation, look for every opportunity to enrich your life with paintings, prints, mixed media, sculpture, and drawings. 




Don’t forget to share your art appreciation with others because art makes every ordinary life just a little bit more exquisite!